Today, the internet has taught me that I am a dirty gremlin.

According to the good people of the interwebz (and science), my non-use of a top sheet indicates that I was raised in a barn.

I never think about using a top sheet in any season but summer. Why would I? It’s just an extra layer of fabric I have to put on my bed and then wash when I do laundry.

What is the purpose of a top sheet, anyway?

I have always assumed the purpose of all bed linen is to keep me toasty. The fitted sheet is to protect the mattress, and my trusty doona (or top sheet in summer because it’s so thin) are there to both insulate me, and act as protection from the monsters under my bed.

As I have now discovered, the true purpose of the top sheet is to act as a barrier between the icky bacteria from your skin and your doona. And it’s pretty gross to sleep without one.

Millennials murdered the top sheet

As with most modern societal ills, the lack of top sheet usage is attributed to the humble millennial. We are accused of being disgusting for our decision not to use the top sheet. But are we truly to blame? At what point should we have been taught that this single piece of dedicated fabric was absolutely essential to our own hygiene?

Should the top sheet be optional?

After reading some particularly stunning arguments for the top sheet, and being served up the hard facts about the sort of filth I’m snoozing amongst, I’ve come to the conclusion that no, it should not be optional. I am a sweaty spaghetti when it comes to sleeping.  I change my doona cover and pillowcases as much as a normal person to try and combat the effects of my perspiration problem, but it seems that is not enough. Using a top sheet would also cut out the first world problem of always having a hard time putting my doona into the cover.

It may be time to concede defeat, and finally implement the so far unused piece of the bamboo cotton bedding set my mother gifted me when I moved out into my bed linen routine.

Enjoy an emotional interpretive dance about putting on a doona cover below:

The article was originally published on Brag Magazine