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Steel Panther have taken the world by storm, one infectious glam anthem at a time. Things are about to get even crazier for them, with a new album dubbed All You Can Eat out today, so we decided there was no better time to have a chat with the band’s libidinous guitarist, Satchel.
The last time we got a chance to catch up with the Panther crew, we were graced and awed by the veritably cosmic phone presence of the band’s wonderful drummer, Stix Zadinia, who spoke to us ahead of the band’s massive Spreading The Disease (STD) tour with Fozzy and Buckcherry.
We were lucky enough to speak to Satchel during the band’s recent European tour and were given the low-down on the band’s new album, their latest videos, why the group consider themselves “heavy metal mentors,” and what bassist Lexxi Foxx used to do when his bass went out of tune.
Hey, Satch! How’s Barcelona?
Satchel: Oh, man. It’s so great. I mean, I haven’t left the hotel room yet but I’m kicking ass! There are some really great escorts that you can have sent to your hotel room…
I hear the scenery is quite nice. So there’s that… The new song, Party Like Tomorrow Is The End Of The World, has a pretty hilarious film clip, lots of drugs and ladies to farewell life as we know it. If the world was really ending tomorrow, is that pretty much how you’d be spending your final day alive?
S: Yes, oh, definitely. The thing is, when we shot that video, our bass player Lexxi [Foxx] really thought the world was ending. When I wrote that song, and when we shot that video, no-one really explained it really well enough that the world wasn’t ending.
It was a great day – we didn’t hire actors or really plan much, it was just a really big, bitchin’ party. Ron Jeremy showed up, a lot of people showed up. People were getting naked in the pool, doing a lot of drugs, and when we were filming it for the video, the camera dudes were just walking around filming stuff.
By the end of the day, Lexxi got really sad and we saw him crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said “I don’t want the world to end!” and I told him, “The world isn’t ending — it’s just a song, you jerk!”
I thought Lexxi’s acting was pretty convincing in the film clip. Now we know why!
S: You have to ask yourself, “What’s the most simple explanation here? Is Lexxi the greatest actor in the world, or is he really, really dumb?”
He’s lucky he’s such a beautiful man.
S: There’s a song on the new record called You’re Beautiful When You Don’t Talk, actually. It could easily be about Lexxi. He’s such a beautiful person, but as soon as he opens his mouth, it’s hard not to strangle him.
For a while there, when he first started playing bass in the band, every time his bass would go out of tune you know what he’d do? He’d return the bass to the music store.
Watch: Steel Panther – The Burden Of Being Wonderful
You’ve gotta make some allowances, he’s a great musician overall. I’ve been digging into the film clips of late, actually. The Burden Of Being Wonderful gives us a taste of your unmistakable stage presence. Do you find there are burdens to being wonderful rock stars?
S: [Laughs] Well… yeah. I often find that people seem to think that Steel Panther pulls these awesome song ideas out of our ass, but that’s not the case. There’s truth to every song that we have, everything that we sing about is based in reality.
Sometimes, it really is a struggle to deal with how awesome Steel Panther is. It really is. Everybody has pretty high expectations of us. Girls especially, you know? When they meet us for the first time they think we’re gonna give them the ride of their lives. I hate to say it, but we’re pretty old dudes. I’m going to peter out pretty quick. After I’m done I have to be like, “Sorry, babe, you’re gonna have to take care of yourself.”
I thought the ecstasy was just being in your presence?
S: Well, you know, there have been girls who get off just standing next to us. I used to do whatever it took to get the girl off, but now I just don’t have time for that. I just pass out. We’re not spring chickens anymore. You know what I just read? In like, the news? Scientists have invented a machine to give women orgasms with electrodes. How crazy is that? If I get one of those, I can have the best of both worlds! I can be like “Here’s this, go away”.
I think if Steel Panther ever got their hands on an electronic orgasm machine, the world would surely end.
S: There wouldn’t be a reason to go to Steel Panther shows! So that’s what I’m becoming concerned about. Stupid science. I shouldn’t have said anything. But that’s one thing that the new album, All You Can Eat, will achieve. Orgasms through the ears.
The new album is gold, for sure. What I like about your songs is that they are sometimes educational, and show a softer side to the band. Do you feel you guys have a certain responsibility to your fans, to teach them your ways and to keep a balanced image?
S: Absolutely! We’re heavy metal mentors, heavy metal teachers. The youth of the world needs to be taught that there’s a right way to do things, and there’s a stupid way to do things. There are certain subjects that people are just unfamiliar with.
For example, the opening track from the album is called Pussywhipped. A lot of dudes who are involved with beautiful girls don’t even realise how much control these women have over them. You just wanna have sex with them all the time, it can be very distracting.
You’re ignoring your friends, not going to the gym, not taking care of the important things, you’re just focusing on this girl. It’s a terrible thing to let a girl have that control over you.
Hopefully the lyrics will be a wake up call. Like, “Whoa, I meant to meet the dudes for a drink last night and I totally forgot… That’s not cool”. It will open people’s eyes.
It’s like a Public Service Announcement. I didn’t realise how much you look out for your fans.
S: Yeah, man. There’s another song, 10 Strikes And You’re Out. Like, American baseball, right? Or like cricket… I dunno jack shit about cricket, but there’s a bat. Usually, with baseball, it’s 3 strikes and you’re out. For a long time, that was kind of our standard for dating a girl. And if this girl won’t let you go out with your friends, she drinks all the beer in your fridge, you know, she farts in front of you or something, they’re all strikes. Three of those and she’s gone.
But now, in this day and age, the attention span of younger, 20-year-old girls, they are so dumb and so self-absorbed, that if you’re gonna go out with a girl now, the bar has to be lowered. The strike number went to 10. Most girls reach one strike within the first 10 minutes, right? If you wanna go out with a girl for more than one date, you gotta go with 10 strikes. It’s really an educational tool.
It kind of sounds like there’s been a bit of personal growth going on here…
S: You know what? Yes. We’re growing as human beings, as musicians, as a band, and we’ve learned so much about women from the last couple of tours. I am planning on writing a personal guidebook for men on how to score with chicks. I’m gonna become a multi-millionaire.
I think you might be on to something. It might lead to an honorary doctorate, maybe even a talk show?
S: I know a lot of people who have gone to school, they’ve gotten PhD’s, and they’re still stupid. How weird is that? Not you though. I like a smart girl.
Is there a secret to maintaining your own sense of personal style during a gruelling touring schedule?
S: Well. I work out every day. It’s not easy, because I stay up partying every night. I do a lot of drugs. And instead of going to sleep, I do some lines of cocaine and just pump some iron. Keeps me fresh, keeps me on my toes.
Is there perhaps one day per week that you designate to sleeping? How does that work?
S: You know what? I don’t go to sleep. A lot of people have schedules where they’re like “oh, you know, I think I might brush my teeth and lay down on the bed” but I just keep going, and going. The last time I slept was a couple of days ago, but I actually passed out. I woke up in the middle of a hotel lobby; no idea how I got there. In the middle of Slovakia or some shit. I don’t even know. Anyway, a family of like, Slovakians, 5 little kids, they were drawing on my face. I almost got mad but they were little, little kids. So I just shrugged it off. It’s cool. It would have been a big deal for them. But then I went to the bathroom, and it turns out that these little kids were drawin’ dicks on my face.
S: Yeah! Kids don’t even do that kind of thing. But that’s what happens when you sleep, babe.
Watch: Steel Panther – Party Like Tomorrow Is The End Of The World
Sleep is for the weak. Passing out is for rock stars.
S: Exactly. Rock until you drop.
What would you say is the best part of any Steel Panther show, for those who haven’t seen you yet?
S: The after party?
…while you’re on stage.
S: Okay… Well, every Steel Panther show is different. We’ve played so many live shows, we did the strips of Las Vegas and Los Angeles every week, and people just kept coming back because it’s always different.
When we’re on our tours, we’ll play songs from our record, of course. But we love involving the audience, which makes it unique. It’s always fun, we never know where it’ll go.
So it’s a blast! People leave super happy. There are too many serious bands that talk about serious shit… No-one gives a fuck. I don’t wanna hear a song about your dog dying, man. I wanna hear songs about glory holes, for Christ’s sake.
Partying is universal, so you’re still touching on subjects that affect everyone.
S: Yeah man! People just wanna have fun, and we wanna give it to them. Plus, at our shows, you know that everyone around you wants to have fun, which rocks. Fun vibes, all the time.
Steel Panther’s new album, ‘All You Can Eat’, is out today.