Alice Cooper Launches Campaign To Be Elected As Both US President & British PM

Written by Emmy Mack on 19th July, 2016

Alice Cooper Launches Campaign To Be Elected As Both US President & British PM

Given both the US and UK’s newfound penchant for making ill-advised political decisions based on fear alone, who better to lead them onward into the dark night than shock king, Alice Cooper.

The veteran rocker has just launched an aggressive new campaign to become both Prime Minister of the UK and President of the USA, summed up by the clever election slogan: “A troubled man for troubled times.”

He’s also published a comprehensive eight-point manifesto via his new website, outlining his central political policies:

1. Getting Brian Johnson back in AC/DC
2. A snake in every pot
3. No more pencils, no more books
4. Adding Lemmy to Mt Rushmore
5. Peter Sellers on the £20 note
6. Cupholders required for every airplane seat
7. Ban on talking during movies in movie theatres
8. Ban on taking selfies, except on a designated National Selfie Day

While an official press release from the office of Mr. Cooper (via NME) reads:

“Alice Cooper is tired of the rhetoric – the mudslinging – the media frenzy. Keeping his snake in his cage and the guillotine in storage, he is putting people before career. Alice Cooper wants to be elected.

He is asking his fellow Americans, his British friends and all those around the world who are disillusioned with their leaders, to join The Wild Party. Alice Cooper is tackling the everyday concerns discussed among his fellow woman and man – the ordinary, decent hard working (and rocking) people he meets and entertains every day while performing nearly 100 concerts a year around the world.”

Still probably a more solid political platform than Trump.

Anyway, to celebrate his simultaneous tilt at two of the world’s top jobs, the shockfather has recorded a new version of his classic 1972 track, Elected.

Check it out below.


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